Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
