saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
