:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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