I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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