Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think my fart just growled at me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
