I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
