Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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