Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
