So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
