remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize