Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
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When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
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YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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