Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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