Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
