david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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