Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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