you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
