This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We are all done wearing pants today
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
