Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
