When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
