we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
