I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
