your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
