in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
