He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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