this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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