I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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