I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
