eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
