got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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