Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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