Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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