There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
