Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
