literally had 100 drinks last night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
