The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
