I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
the liver wants what the liver wants
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
