i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
