i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
