Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I checked into jail on foursquare
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
