he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
