LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
