who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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