the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
