My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
