He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
