pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
