I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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