You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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