So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
