member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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