So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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