Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
