JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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