I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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