Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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