I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
