she woke up with a sticky ear
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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