____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
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