i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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