he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
