its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
