woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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