dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
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Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Edward fifth and chaser hands
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
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At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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