would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
