Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
