so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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