that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
