I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
