My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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