Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
