Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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