Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
