Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I would ride that face into the sunset
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake