So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
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just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
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Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.