this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
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Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
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although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth