Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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