Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear