Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
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You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
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I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.