wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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