if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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