So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
