i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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