Where is the hickey?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
