He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
