i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The beer is more important than you right now.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
